Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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