Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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