haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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