Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
My ass is underappreciated
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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