A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
