i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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