please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
