at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
