I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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