is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
