If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
