I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
