dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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