I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
