He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
