All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
