she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
People in love make me want to vomit
love makes seman taste better
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize