Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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