Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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