just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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