I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
