they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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