watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
