Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
