Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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