just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
