I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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