Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
