Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
