I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
