Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
