capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
