I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
