They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
