I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
