we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You took a bar mat shot.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
