Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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