So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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