I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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