I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize