I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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