i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
