Im at strip club and am horny
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
