haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
