if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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