Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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