So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
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