i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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