who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize