We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
it's like heaven, but drunker
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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