you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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