remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
My dad just said "fuck circus"
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