True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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