i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
