Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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