Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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