are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
