dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
