Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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