honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Randomize
