We're facebook friends in real life
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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