I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
