i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
