craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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