never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
